Day Three

Wow! This medicine is really kicking my ass! I slept like a coma patient today. Even DW found herself getting worried about me. That seems to be small improvement from how she has been feeling lately. But I'm scared, really scared about where the future will take me. However DW is doing just fine. She has here Sir whom she talks to at every moment of the day. And what does she do...... she runs to her Sir and tells him everything. HELL!! I've barely got my head around all of this and not even 24 hours later DW has my disorder in the streets. I should have just rented a billboard!!! Me..... well I just try to do the things she ask of me so I can back her favor and hopefully she will talk to me too. I must really love her to be able to put up with so much shit from her. I know she is doing her best to hurt me. She will never admit it. She may not even realize it. But she definitely is trying to make me feel the pain, the same pain she says she has felt for a long while now. I get it. I have been an ass to her by being the neglectful husband. Come to find out I wasn't quite in control the way I thought. Man I could so use a Manic High right now..... everything would be alright at least to me for just a little while. Yes happiness has become such an abstract concept in this person's life. I should be happy that my wife calls another man Sir and tells him all her intimate thoughts including mine I have told to her. I should be happy that as long as I punk out and don't rock the boat by voicing my emotions, which she calls fussing, then things will go more smoothly for me. Yes I should also understand how it's okay for us to have a poly relationship with a fucked up nucleus. I know, I know its the as long as I got mine syndrome. I also understand it's yet one more burden I have to put on myself. Peace.